Crazy Jon

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Donovan McNabb

Ladies and Gentlemen, pure Horeseshit.......

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Donovan McNabb is still taking shots -- the latest from an NAACP leader who criticized the quarterback's leadership skills and said he "played the race card" in explaining why he no longer runs the ball.

J. Whyatt Mondesire, who publishes a newspaper for blacks and is the president of the Philadelphia branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, recently wrote that the Eagles' star quarterback failed as a team leader and choked in the Super Bowl.

McNabb responded sharply, but Mondesire hasn't changed his stance.

"He doesn't get it," Mondesire said Wednesday. "If he got it, I wouldn't have written the article."

Mondesire, publisher of the Philadelphia Sunday Sun, criticized McNabb in a column in his newspaper on Dec. 4.

He wrote that McNabb's tendency to run the ball early in his career "not only confused defenses, it also thrilled Eagles fans," but that abandoning that element "by claiming that 'everybody expects black quarterbacks to scramble' not only amounts to a breach of faith but also belittles the real struggles of black athletes who've had to overcome real racial stereotypcasting in addition to downright segregation."

Mondesire said the bottom line is that McNabb is "not that good."

"In essence Donny, you are mediocre at best," Mondesire wrote. "And trying to disguise that fact behind some concocted reasoning that African American quarterbacks who can scramble and who can run the ball are somehow lesser field generals ... is more insulting off the field than on."

McNabb was stunned by Mondesire's comments.

"Obviously, if it's someone else who is not African American, it's racism," McNabb told reporters attending his annual holiday party last Saturday. "But when someone of the same race talks about you because you're selling out because you're not running the ball, it goes back to, 'What are we really talking about here?'

"If you talk about my play, that's one thing. When you talk about my race, now we've got problems. If you're trying to make a name off my name, again, I hope your closet is clean because something is going to come out about you ... I always thought the NAACP supported African Americans and didn't talk bad about them. Now you learn a little bit more."

McNabb's season ended last month when he decided to have surgery for a sports hernia. It's been a miserable year for the five-time Pro Bowl selection, starting with his feud with now-banished wideout Terrell Owens.

Mondesire wrote that McNabb shared the blame for Owens' departure.

"Finally, your failure as a team leader off the field to my mind did as much as anything to exacerbate the debacle that has become synonymous with T.O.'s full name."

Mondesire said the article expressed his opinion of McNabb, not the view of the NAACP. When Rush Limbaugh said on ESPN two years ago that McNabb is overrated because the media wanted to see a black quarterback succeed, the NAACP criticized the conservative commentator and called on him to quit. Limbaugh resigned from ESPN three days later.

Mondesire said McNabb's agent, Fletcher Smith, called him after the story appeared. He returned the call twice, but hasn't spoken to McNabb.

McNabb had a strong start this season, throwing for 1,333 yards and 11 touchdowns while leading the Eagles to a 3-1 record. But he was bothered by injuries and struggled over the next several games before going on injured reserve.

McNabb clearly wasn't the same quarterback who led the Eagles to the NFC championship game the last four years. He threw a costly interception in the fourth quarter in each of his last three games, and had nine picks this season.

Overall, McNabb passed for 2,507 yards, 16 TDs and had a passer rating of 85.0 this season. McNabb was reluctant to leave the pocket this year. He had just 55 yards rushing on 25 carries, including several kneel-downs.

McNabb's problems with Owens dominated the headlines most of the year. Their issues began when Owens dissed McNabb after the Eagles lost to New England in the Super Bowl last February. The two didn't speak for a prolonged period, but performed well on the field together.

Owens was suspended last month for a series of infractions and critical public comments about McNabb and the organization, dating back to his offseason demands for a new contract. An arbitrator later upheld the Eagles' decision to deactivate him for the remainder of the season.

Look at what McNabb did this year while in extreme pain, and this rectal wart has the gaul to challenge him?

Good God I want to make him eat broken glass.

How dare he say that McNabb should be giving up money. Hey Whyatt, I'm feeling underpaid, how about a few bucks over here.

I'm a card carrying member of the NAACP, and I'm sickened by this tool and ashamed that he's a member of the same organization. How about dealing with real problems, like civil rights, crime, drugs, gangs, teenage pregnancy, and other REAL things.

Hey, how about we get this walking cold sore to put the pads on and then take a few shots from Ray Lewis, Dwight Freeney, Zach Thomas, and Lavar Arrington. I'm sure he'll back his words up.

What a turd.

The Podcast

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SHHHHH!!!!! Big Brother is listening.

I'm proabably going to get put on a watch list for this one.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/16/bu....ap/index.html

People, what the hell is going on here, huh? You know what this means, don't you? All of your porn downloading and phone sex has been recorded (I'm looking at you, Father O'Reilly).

Where does this Jizbag get off? When we violate our own tenants of law the enemies of freedom win. This is the kind of stuff that would make Osama Bin Laden jerk of with joy if he wasn't such a dickless douchebag.

Ben Franklin said it best:

"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."

So where do we draw the line people?

It a little eavesdropping now, but it never stays that way. Next thing you know you're strapped down on an exam table getting the full body cavity search while Grandma is interrogated under the hot lights, Dad's credit report is ripped apart, and your little brother is suddenly "removed" from class to be questioned because at at some time, in some place, in some way, you may or may not have done something vaguely un-American.

Or not, but they just wanted to be sure.

And that's why doctor Jellyfingers is massaging your prostate and asking if you like gladiator movies. 

I've seen it happen a million times.

Am I the only one remotely pissed off here?

Please people, for my sake, your sake. your family's sake, and for your prostate and Dr. Jellyfingers sake, how about a little moral outrage.

Ann Coulter

"I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am," Coulter told the crowd of 2,600 Wednesday.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/12/08/coulter.row.ap/index.html

Oh people, where to begin here.  This no talent jizbag has been flitting around the public consciousness for years.  Just when you think this waste of semen is finally gone she pops up again.

Look people, forget your politics for a minute.  Ann Coulter is not "persecuted by the left" or a "hero to the right".  She's a bitch.  A jackass.  A loudmouth.

She's like your drunk uncle at family gatherings, always saying something stupid.  She's just no damn good.

She smells like an ashtray, looks like the lead guitarist to Stryper, sounds like an asthmatic horse, feels like a worn out catcher's mitt and probably tastes like the Hudson River at low tide.  To steal a line from Peter Griffin aka "Family Guy", she's pretty much offensive to all 5 senses.

Somebody stop this freak before she mates.

Future Air Force recruits identified....

It’s your local sewer rats……

“The "brain", grown from 25,000 neural cells extracted from a single rat embryo, has been taught to fly an F-22 jet simulator by scientists at the University of Florida.”

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/12/06/1102182227308.html

In a related story, several F22s were seen following a strange Hamlin man playing his pipe.

My father went to the University of Florida. I never realized how Goddamned stupid he must have been until I read this.

Cornhole- There, I said it

You must open this link before reading any further.

http://www.cincypost.com/2003/08/16/ohcornhole081603.html

I'm sure we all love a good game of Cornhole. Many young men and women in the Southern Ohio-Northern Kentucky area were raised to have a true love of cornhole.

Now, you can't just jump right in. Patience is needed. If you go too fast at cornhole you may hurt yourself. So take your time, go esay, and watch your back. There's nothing wose than a game of Cornhole when you aren't expecting it. In fact I know several young men who have been injured  injured while playing a game as a young men with a local priest went horribly awry.

A Holiday Classic

I know you've gotten this bit before, but it's such a classic that I had to put it out there.

If you are like me, we are always looking for that special cookie recipe to share with our families for the holidays. This is the one I personally make on Christmas Eve to be able to deal with the "families" on this joyous occasion.

TEQUILA COOKIES
1 cup........ of dark brown sugar
1 cup........ (2 sticks) butter
1 cup........ of granulated sugar
4 large...... eggs
2 cups...... of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp........ baking soda
1 tsp........ salt
1 tsp........ fresh lemon juice
1 cup....... coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups...... all-purpose flour
1 bottle.... Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric
mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make
sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup.... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit,

Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscrive

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Check the Jose Cuervo.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, FINISH the Cose Juervo and
make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

**** CHERRY MISTMAS ****

Mr. T

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all Caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T once rocked the Kasbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Kasbah.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.

Some fools like to ask Mr. T what his real name is. Some fools also like being stomped to death.

Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and only one to do so.


Gandhi actually became a pacifist after meeting Mr T. It was then that he coined the often misquoted phrase, "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, except Mr T. who is all seeing, as well as all knowing and all ass-kicking."

Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.

The Rock'em Sock'em Robots game is based on Mr. T's boxing style of knocking your fool head clean off.

Mr. T was once nominated for an Oscar. The category? Best display of the emotion of pity.


Mr. T was waiting inside the whale's belly to pity Jonah upon being swallowed.

Mr. T has directed only one movie in his career. That movie was You've Got Mail and it won 13 Academy Awards.

Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.

A man once accidentally referred to Mr. T as The Junk Yard Dog. That man: Captain Lou Albano. The resulting ass whooping and pitying explains why neither Capt. Lou nor The Junk Yard Dog have been seen since 1985.

Rocky only defeated Mr T when Mr T was paid 48 million dollars to act like a mortal man. Even then, it took 5, 900,642 punches to get him to the floor.

Mr. T and Vin Diesel have a long standing rivalry due to Vin Diesel having better random facts. However, the two refuse to settle their difference in hand to hand combat, because the sheer brutality of the fight would destroy two thirds of the known universe.

The last time Mr. T uttered the words, "I pity the fool", a man in Colorado suddenly died for no reason.

Freddy vs Jason was originally Freddy and Jason Vs Mr. T The movie was ten seconds long and in the first 9 seconds Mr. T pitied 350 different fools. At the last second Mr. T called Chuck Norris and this meeting of the giants caused Freddy and Jason to commit suicide.

The rest of the letters in Mr. T's name were pitied out of existence.

If Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to meet in a cage match, every child in Asia would die.

Mr. T thinks all white people look like David Spade.

In High School, Mr. T was asked a simple question on a math test. The question asked, "How would one get to Point A to Point B?" Mr. T didn't even attempt to answer this problem and turned in his test. When asked by the teacher why he didn't complete this one problem, Mr. T punched the teacher in the face. The moral of the story is, Mr. T will punch you in the face if you talk to him.


Mr. T and Superman went in a room. Only Mr. T came out.

Tupac once stole Mr. T's Cheeto's.
RIP Tupac Shakur, September 1997.

Mr.T pitied the Soviet Union out of existence.

While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week.

It has been noted that ninjas are only afraid of pirates and ghosts. When Mr.T heard this, he killed them all, just to prove a point.

In 1985, Mr. T walked onto the set of Back to the Future and stole the delorean. He then drove back in time to challenge John the Baptist to a breakdancing battle. John the Baptist busted out with a sloppy six step because of his Jesus sandals and Mr. T pitied him so hard that John the Baptist chopped off his own head. When Mr. T got back to the set of Back to the Future, God was there to apologize for John the Baptists' shitty breakdancing. Mr. T stared down God so hard that God kicked his own ass resulting in Back to the Future III.

In a temporary fit of dyslexia, Mr. T once told a young boy to "drink his school" and "stay in milk." The boy attempted to correct his transposition. Citing "jibba jabba," Mr. T stuffed several book reports down the boy's throat, beat him into a fine paste and blended him into a glass of milk. The resulting concoction was a chocolate shake with 264% of the recommended daily allowance of pity. The moral of this story is that Mr. T fools the pity that attempts to correct him.

Mr. T once grabbed a woman's wrist in a coffee shop. When she asked what the matter was, he told her she would give birth in 9 months and punched her in the face for questioning Mr. T.

After "Mr. T" heard someone say that Ivan Drago in Rocky IV would beat Clubber Lang from Rocky III he pitied Dolph Lundren so hard that his movie career became what it is.

Mr. T directed and starred in his own version of Star Wars series in which he played "Gold Chain Skywalker" and battled "Jibba Jabba The Hut". The release went straight to Betamax.

Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't F* with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living edited out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "BANG!"

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Crop circles are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f* down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy ****! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BS!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's s*.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris' diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire.