Crazy Jon

Sports Podcast

Two shows and I'm already a minor celebrity.

http://sports.aol.com/bloggerslive

The above website mentions the Red Zone Roundtable as one of their top 11 podcasts.  Scroll down and you'll see it.

http://www.rof.com/Plaque_ProCreationFish.htm

That's right people, there's a Holy War in this country, and it's being fought with fish emblems on the back of cars.

Yes, that's right, Car Fish.  You've all seen them, making sure that you know when someone is a true believer in something that you may or may not give two shits about.  A worthy cause.

In fact, if you watch the DVD of "The Passion of The Christ," you'll notice the Jesus fish on the back of Mary and Joseph's wagon and the "Darwin Fish" on the Roman's chariots.

And so I'd like to announce the new line of "Believer Fish-Showing I'm right and You're Wrong."

1)  Donkey Fish- Shows you're a Democrat.  You dig "Queer Eye" and think guns are icky.  You hug your trees, swap wives, and eat "magic" brownies regularly.  You'll spend hours telling a perfect stranger about how you were a part of the "movement" in the sixties, when actually you spent that decade smoking dope and trying to hook up w/ the sorority chick with the great knockers in English Lit.  You're a huge supporter of minority rights, you just don't know any minorities.  You're also on a losing streak that makes the Clippers look great.  You think Chairman Mao is too conservative.

2)  Elephant Fish-  You're a member of the GOP.  You gave your 2 year old his first handgun, and if he shoots himself, well, that's his fault, and none of the Government's business.  You don't watch "Friends" because you find it "swishy" and think Chandler and Monica are sinners.  To you, Dan Rather is a card carrying commie.  Rush Limbaugh, now there's a journalist with integrity.  You're angry Pat Robertson isn't Pope and think Bush is too liberal.  You just gave $5000 to Bob Jones University.  You're also in charge of all three branches of Government, so life is good. 

3)  Your College Mascot Fish (only available in the SEC, Big 10, and Big 12)-  Your church is a stadium, your communion beer and burgers.  Your kid went to a small college in KY, but you give all your money to State U!!!!  You'd be an even bigger fan if you actually attended that college.  You'll do a stretch in state prison for paying recruits, if it means another trip to the Orange Bowl.  You'd rather your daughter be a whore at your school than an undergrad at your rival.  You divorced your first wife for giving birth during the big game against Tech, and you're currently facing charges for assaulting your neighbor for wearing the colors of your hated rival.  Never mind that he was 84 and had no idea what their colors were, that Son of A Bitch ought to know better!!!!!

4)  Professional Sports Team Owner Fish- Cost- $400 million.  You charge your kids $8000 to sit at the dinner table because it's "Club Level."  You had to cut your first wife due to salary cap constraints, and replaced her with a younger, cheaper model, and you're charging for advertising on her ass.  You just took control of a brand new $600 million state of the art, retractable roof stadium.  Unfortunately, Cleveland just built the same stadium only with 2 more sky boxes, so now you need a new one too or you'll move the team to Salt Lake.  You are 55% pure evil, 35% douche, 10% human.  Your working to fix that last 10%.

5)  Teen recording Artist Fish (features tatoo, belly ring, hair bleach, and distinctive lack of talent)-  Congratulations, you've successfully managed to market your image as both a Mousketeer and a chick who takes it in the ass.  You won the "Jailbait of the Year" award four times.  You would have won 5 but you turned Legal.  Your impossibly less talented siblings are all launching careers.  You hate the Paparazzi, and will hold a press conference to declare that every 20 minutes.  Every song on your last album was about you "becoming a woman," "being misunderstood,"  and "really wanting to get down."  You think Madonna is the greatest artist of the 20th Century.  You are also functionally retarded. 

So if you liked "The Jesus Fish" and the "Darwin Evolution Fish," you'll love our new line of personalized moron fish.

Please use the comment section to tell us about your type of fish.

My New Webcast

I'm doing a radio style sports show on the web for a new site.  It's a roundtable NFL show.  Just go to

http://mysportsradio.com/?cat=60

and scroll down to Red Zone Roundtable.  It's a short download and you might like it.

In addition, I'll start my own show on the Washington Nationals this week.  More details to come.

Another Bit on the Lounge

The Washington Post had a nice piece about our beloved House of Hooch, the Cap Lounge.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/24/AR2005082402114.html

The shakes have stopped, and I've stopped thinking about playing in traffic, so that's a good thing. 

Right?

As always, please use our comment space to tell a good story about the Lounge.

New Lounge Pics

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Well, the fallout from the Burning Bar continues.  Want proof?

1)  More work got done on Capitol Hill today than ever before.

2)  Hook-ups are down 72% in the last 24 hours.

3)  Budweiser stock plummeted 16 points.

I spent the morning under my desk in a fetal position crying.  Several Hill staffers have reported "phantom hangovers", similar to the pain an amputee feels where his missing limb should be. 

Former President Bill Clinton called for a national day of morning, saying, "I met some of the finest pieces of ass I've ever had there.  God, I might actually have to sleep with my wife."

A witness to the carnage made this report.

"It's not as bad as you may think.  The front bar is totally gutted from
the shattered front window, through the front bar area, back to the
dining area, and into the kitchen.  They will have to tear out
everything, 'cause it got roasted."

"The side bar is smoke damaged but intact.  The fire did not reach there
at all.  That's good news."

"The downstairs is water damaged.  How much, I don't know, since they
were not letting people inside, but I can guess the DC Fire Dept doused
it with a couple of hundreds of gallons of water.  They will have to
rebuild the downstairs, which quite frankly, could use a complete
rebuild."

"The walls and structure is intact, which means they can rebuild"

A nation of booze hounds mourns.  God help us.

RIP Cap Lounge

I am in mourning today.  The Cap Lounge, Capitol Hill Landmark on Pennsylvania Ave. and one of the dankest dives ever put on Earth, burned down last night.

http://www.wtopnews.com/?sid=557368&nid=25

I cannot tell you how many times I've been "escorted" from this bar while shitfaced.  I swear, I must have paid for someone's beach house on my bar tabs from 1997-2000 alone.

I know three marriages that actually owe their existence to this place.  I'm sure there are a couple of pregnancies too.

Oh if those walls could talk.  Trying to hook up with that very special intern who you'll never see again.  Corruption and bribes over chicken wings.   And I'm pretty sure Monica Lewinsky plied her trade there too, kids.

The memories I'm told I'd have if I wasn't such a lush are wonderful.  Ryno screaming "I'm the King of the World" on his B-Day and rushing downstairs to puke.  Sebastian Yelling "It's that magic time of the evening" before tossing us out.  10 Cent Wings.  Looking at that tab and wondering how I drank that much and then realizing the bartender didn't even bill me for half of them.  Shooting Scotch as a punishment for talking politics.

Oh the humanity!!!!!!!

I will be sitting Shiva for a month over this one.

Please use the comment section and give us your favorite Lounge memories.

Video of the tragedy

http://mms.tveyes.com/Transcript.asp?pl=1592224974866845403

Pics

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More pics to com.....

Pat Robertson- Patriotic Killing Machine

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/23/robertson.chavez/index.html

you know, there are times when I write my blog that I'm a little tapped out.  Times where the story just isn't there, the main character doesn't tap into that geyser of rage that keeps you entertained and me on several Government watch lists.

Thank God for Pat Robertson.

Yes the erstwhile Man of God/Political Pundit/Snake of Salesman/Douchebag called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Chavez, last seen giving a reach around to Fidel Castro, is no Angel.  In fact, he's pretty much a skid mark on the underwear of humanity.  But you have to love the idea of a preacher calling for this guy's head.  I'm sure Chavez would be shitting bricks right now if Eric Rudolph wasn't in jail. 

Maybe Pat had been watching Rambo movies.  Maybe he had a few pops before his show.  May his Viagra kicked in at a weird time.  Either way, Patty tossed out the Bitch Slap on "The 700 Club".

(PS- Can someone explain what the 700 Club is to me.  A Cult?  Gang?  Golf Course? It's driving me nuts.)

Anyway, this fucknut's hypocrisy is killing me.  If you're a Christian religious leader, you're supposed to be against violence, unless you think that whole "turn the other cheek" and "live by the sword, die by the sword" stuff from the Bible is a crock of shit.

On the other hand, if this guy's right, does that mean he can conveniently ignore parts of religion that interfere with his worldview.  Because if he can, then shouldn't we all feel a little less guilty about all of that jerking off we did in high school? 

More News from Chiefs Training Camp w/ Rev. Ike

So Rev., what else is going on in Chief's training  camp?

"RIVER FALLS, Wis. - The fallout from a night off continues for the
Chiefs.  Police in Stillwater, Minn., were flagged down to assist in a
bar incident involving quarterbacks Todd Collins and Trent Green in the
early-morning hours last Sunday. Collins, according to an incident
report, climbed up on a speaker box at the Freight House Restaurant and
Bar and refused to get down. When a security guard attempted to remove
Collins, he allegedly struck him in the head."


Alright, so Siavii, Wesley, Tynes and now Collins....I'm thinking the
Chiefs need to start holding their preseason practices in dry counties. 
Geesh

So what have we learned from training camp?

1)  I really want to party with the Kansas City Chiefs.

2)  I do not want to piss off the Kansas City Chiefs.

3)  Huddles are now 12 step meetings.

3)  Minnesota is an incredible pussy state where bouncers get there asses kicked by

     kickers.  Wiconsin bouncers at least got whomped by a quarterback.  Not a very good

     quarterback mind you, but still, it's better than a kicker.

4)  All this means nothing for the season, I'm still predicting a sub-500 year.

Rev., you need another team.  Seriously, on that's not in rehab.

Rev. Ike Reports From Training Camp

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050817/ap_on_sp_fo_ne/fbn_chiefs_tynes_arrested

The fact that a bouncer had his nose broken by a kicker doesn't say a whole lot for the bouncer.   Either way, I think it might be time for the Chiefs to get out of Minnesota.  After all the suspensions get done, there won't be anyone left to play.

That's right people, Groundskeeper Willie from "The Simpson's" is on the loose and kicking the shit out of Minnesotans.

How pathetic are these Minnesotans if they get can get the snot rocked out of them by every Tom, Dick and Angus that rolls out of a bar, then what does this say about our northern defenses?  I mean, Canada's just waiting for a sign of weakness to invade.

Is that what you people want?  Huh?  Hockey as the #1 Sport?  people saying "aboot" instead of "about"?  Beavers as pets?  Being forced to drink Labatts?!!!

Not on my watch, you frostback mother fuckers.

Straighten up, Minnesota.  Your ass is on the line here.  Fuck up, and South Dakota gets your jobs. 

Download Monkey.jpg

People, I'm as liberal as they come.  seriously, I know come off like a right wing hacksaw, but I'm really just left of Chairman Mao.

However even I have to draw the line here.  Seriously, I think this is some kind of Monkey-on- Dog Bondage scene. 

Can you see the look of terror on the dog's face.  That monkey must be hung like Tommy Lee.

People, animal S&M is everybody's problem.  Please, the next time your buddy asks you to clamp jumper cables on a sheep's nipples while a donkey commits sodomy on it, just say no.

Please, for the children's sakwe if not your own.